Remarks of the Found

This past summer I found purpose, refuge and spiritual growth in Finding Jesus in Literature. My initial plans and expectations for the blog were very little. I did not expect many people to read my thoughts on books or faith, but in the midst of this journey the Lord exceeded my expectations 

(like He always does).

I would have never expected that Finding Jesus in Literature would reach places like Russia, Poland and Laos.

The Internet’s crazy y’all!!!

I pray that the blog made a significant impact on you as it did for me. I hope the characters and storylines were relatable to you and their fictional situations caused you to look at your life a bit differently. These seemingly secular characters actually exposed the REAL Jesus in my eyes. Each character showed a different side of our magnificent and omnipresent God.

Finding Jesus in Literature grew to become way more personal than I predicted, but I’ve learned that in order to get to the heart of who Jesus is- you yourself have to reveal your heart as well.

We as a generation have the ability to expose Jesus in all genres. In my mind Jesus’ presence is unquestionably, without a doubt alive in the (what we call) secular world.

I pray something will stir in our hearts and causes us to acknowledge His presence that knows no boundaries.

I pray it’s something that ignites within us.

& encourages us.

Perhaps all we need is a little gumption!

Stargirl: Radical Love

Why do you think the Lord gave us emotions? So that we can hide them and degrade the power of every emotion ever felt?

No way José

I don’t know what is appealing about hiding all of our emotions. I feel like a lot of humans have suppressed feelings their whole lives. Here’s the sitch… We’re not robots that have to be charged and re-programed every night. We’re humans made in God’s image and we have a wide range of emotions that could be felt. Think about Jesus when He was here on earth. 

Did He rejoice? Cry? Show signs of anger?

YES, YES & YES!!!

So if Jesus showed His emotions, by golly I’m gonna show mine!

But why have I been masking my emotions my whole life? It could be that I’m scared of showing too much or scared about the extremity of my emotions.

Now when Stargirl felt emotions or feelings toward life, something or someone, she expressed them radically! I sometimes wondered if Stargirl was actually from Texas…

”Everything’s bigger in Texas”.

Generally when people are in love they are so incandescently happy, so full of life, so on the edge of their seat that they wanna scream and proclaim to the whole world that they are in love! 

Elf anyone???             

Anyway I mean what is love? A bunch of fluff, a lot of toxic waste built up by songs and literature. Well that might be the world’s version of love-but the Christ version is so much better and the definition is written by the Creator of the world & not a best seller.

Love is such a gift from above and sometimes I forget how love was supposed to be handled in the eyes of God. Love is supposed to take time and love should be celebrated and not degraded to a tweet.

Normally people subdue their feelings or just express it on social media… but not Stargirl! She expressed her love on a white linen bed sheet in front of the entire school. Just because she could

STARGIRL

LOVES

LEO

I believe all of us have a Stargirl or Buddy the elf inside of us itching to get out! This part of us thrives on making our friends feel special, celebrating the little things in life like a B on a college test or expressing gratefulness to your friends for loving you faithfully. 

(Good friends should be celebrated more often!)

I hope that as life goes on I try to embrace my inner Stargirl, celebrating life by dancing and not neglecting my emotions… no matter how radical they may be. I pray that we as Christians can feel inspired by the story of Jesus and the Pharisees. Jesus was not obsessed with the rules of religion. He loved His people with a radical and unconditional love.

“Love is invincible facing danger & death. Passion laughs at the terrors of hell. The fire of love stops at nothing-it sweeps everything before it. Flood waters can’t drown love, torrents of rain can’t put it out. Love can’t be bought, love can’t be sold”. –Song of Solomon 8:7-8

Stargirl: Our True Selves

Throw reputation out the window

Who cares what other people think…right?

Be Jesus in the sea of Pharisees

In a sense become a rebel to your peers in order to become your true self.

I can’t tell you how many times I felt like doing something unbelievably outrageous in terms of my day-to-day life.  (Like dancing in the grocery store or standing up on the lunch table at school and breaking out into song!) But I always have a nickel-sized part of me that fears what the reaction of the people around me would be. Also after living on this earth for 21 years I know from experience that these actions are not “normal” or frequent occurrences.

 In Jerry Spinelli’s book the main character Stargirl is quirky, extremely lovable & completely oblivious to what people think of her. To me she has the spunk of Barbra Streisand and the cuteness of Debbie Reynolds in Singin’ in the Rain. In the book she does outstanding and personal acts of kindness toward her classmates who she just met after transferring schools.

Let me paint you a Stargirl…

-She sings happy birthday to kids at lunch with her ukulele, pet rat & sunflower canvas bag in tow

-Wears no make-up

-Randomly bakes cookies for her homeroom class

-Cheers for the opposing team at basketball games

& gives a friendly hello to complete strangers.

She sounds too good to be true, a teenage girl serenading her classmates with harmonies and a pet rat named Cinnamon in her pocket.

What in the world? I wish this girl actually existed!

After thinking about Stargirl and discovering the essence of who she really is, I couldn’t help but wonder about that nickel-sized timid-ness that stops me from belting into song in the dining hall.

In Brennan Manning’s book “Abba’s Child”, he writes about a person we know all too well…the imposter. Now who is the imposter? It is someone who takes over our true selves. The imposter masks over our real values… the essence of who we are in Christ. The imposter forces us to neglect the essential when it comes to a life filled with Jesus.

“We hide what we know or feel ourselves to be (which we assume to be unacceptable and unlovable) behind some kind of appearance which we hope will be more pleasing.” 

–Simon Tugwell (Abba’s Child)

Stargirl never thought about what was socially acceptable; she simply experienced life without waiting for approval from anyone. She reminds me of a certain someone who neglects human tradition and truthfully lived a life honoring our God.

 “You have your heads in your Bibles constantly because you think you’ll find eternal life there. But you miss the forest for the trees. These Scriptures are all about me! And here I am, standing right before you, and you aren’t willing to receive from me the life you say you want.”

 –John 5:39-40

See Jesus did not care about His reputation or being accepted by the Pharisees. He cared about His people and pleasing His Father (Our most powerful God). Now I cannot compare Stargirl to Jesus Christ, but I believe her character can at least teach me and others on how to care less about human approval and more about living in our true selves.

In the beginning of the book Stargirl never pretends to be like anyone else except for herself. She has confidence in her identity. So if Stargirl felt like dancing in the rain or prancing on the football field with an invisible flute next to the school band on Friday nights… well she did it! Blending into the crowd was not the biggest priority in her mind.

I thought about how delightfully different my life would be if I lived in my true self and abandoned the imposter. The imposter in me cares about my performance in the Christian community over my belovedness in Jesus Christ. If I lived each day embracing the fact that I am a child of God and gave no attention to how people in the Church viewed me, I would inhabit my true self.

I’ve spent so much time and energy trying to come off as a “good Christian” to others that in the midst of trying to impress sinners like me I ended up feeling more like I was playing the role of Christian than actually being a follower of my savior.

I’m done wasting my life away pretending. It is exhausting and it’s a fight that I will never win. Impressing people and playing the “good Christian” role is not fulfilling and why would I spend all my energy trying to look a certain way instead of actually living that way.

“And in the presence, you will delight in the discovery of what it means to live by grace and not by performance”. –Brennan Manning

Wintergirls: How to Approach Food In A Christ-Like Manner

Jesus ate food right?

Yeah?

Okay just checking.

I wonder how He approached food, I mean I know He was a carpenter and probably spent a lot of time outside sweating calories, but did Jesus ever feel self-conscious about His body? Wish He hadn’t eaten that last roll? We may never know.

I’m guessing that at the end of a long and hot day laboring away, He did not even think twice about not eating. In my mind Jesus ate because He needed fuel in order to work and function the next day.

Also something to think about…God gave us taste buds. 

Hmmm… I wonder what those are used for? Jesus wants us to enjoy food, there’s a reason why He gave us taste buds. If He didn’t want humans to enjoy food He would have given us no taste buds or sense of smell. But I thank Jesus for my taste buds!

Man! Just the thought of not enjoying some chips and queso makes me squirm!

A lot of monumental events happened around the dinner table while Jesus was here on earth. For instance, Jesus ate with tax collectors and other people who in that time were considered the lowest of the low. Oh and not to mention the last supper (Luke 22: 7-23) where Jesus’ body and blood were represented in bread and wine because Jesus knew that these symbols would be a constant reminder to His people—because they ate daily.

 Now Jesus does not want us to be gluttonous by any means. He doesn’t want us to worship or idolize food (Philippians 3:19). But I think my loving and graceful Jesus wants us to enjoy all that He has given us in moderation.

In Wintergirls, Lia is tempted to eat while watching over bake sale and struggles to stick to her 500 a day calorie diet. 

“I shouldn’t. I can’t. I don’t deserve it. I’m a fat load and I disgust myself. I take up too much space already. I am an ugly, nasty hypocrite. I am trouble. I am a waste”.

All of these lies that Lia repeated to herself over and over are lies that Satan had engrained in her brain as truth. She was blinded by her own appearance with the Devil’s voice consuming her. After reading this book I can’t help but think, since when did eating become a luxury instead of a necessity?

At the end of the book Lia finally decided to get help with her eating disorder and started to have a healthier outlook on food itself. 

“I am beginning to measure myself in strength, not pounds”.

When I look back at my experience with an eating disorder I am reminded on how restricted I felt. I felt so limited, but I should have remembered the freedom I have in Christ. All my chains of sin were already removed by Jesus’ death and resurrection. I should have found freedom and truth in His sacrifice and not dwelt in my sin like the Devil wanted me too.

During that time my thoughts were so focused on what I didn’t eat that I missed out on living my life. I could have been thinking about so many other beautiful things.

“I’m angry that I starved myself and that I sat shivering in my bed at night instead of dancing or reading poetry or eating ice cream or kissing a boy…”

Our lives here on earth can be glorious and pleasing to Jesus, but we need to remember that there is an Enemy ready to tackle our insecurities. However, if we cling to Jesus and spend time with Him, His closeness will comfort and strengthen us.

LASTLY, if you or someone you know is dealing with an eating disorder please remember that there is an exit strategy and His name is Jesus. You are not stuck in a deep pit with no lifesaver. Jesus brings healing and restoration and He wants His children to be healthy because he honestly and sincerely loves us.

Just in case you were wondering…

What is a Wintergirl?

A girl caught in-between worlds. She’s not dead, but not alive. She’s a ghost with a beating heart.

Wintergirls: The Root to the Thorn Bush

Everyone has insecurities, it’s our human nature to have faults and weaknesses, but what we do with these weaknesses can sometimes define us or spiral into something detrimental. In order to get to the root of eating disorders we have to get to the root of where these voices come from. There is an almighty and righteous God out there ready to guide us in love as well as the angel disguised as light (Satan).

In Priscilla Shirer’s book, Discerning the Voice of God, she talks about the difference between God’s voice and Satan’s voice.

The Enemy as Priscilla says, “craftily (and often very effectively) uses our guilt and shame as a tool to steer us incorrectly”. I can’t help but think about how many times I’ve been steered away from the Lord by listening to the Devil’s voice… it’s a very frightening thought. We can’t disregard Satan’s power, he wants to see people (especially Christians) struggle, give into sin and hurt ourselves/others because this separates us from God. Satan finds great pleasure in seeing us in pain (Check out The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis).

However, we are not doomed because we serve an all-powerful God who wins the battle for us in the end! So back to the main character Lia… She could have easily been hearing Satan’s voice over God’s. Because just like God, Satan knows our insecurities just as well.

“It is the voice of the Enemy, seeking to use your vulnerability to deceive you”. –Priscilla Shirer

But no need to fret, there’s someone way more powerful than this mere fallen angel.

God’s voice is full of “healing and restoration” and instead of exposing our sin and wanting us to dwell in it He reveals our sin to us, “But His goal in doing so is to cleanse you and change you”. –Priscilla Shirer

Our loving Father wants us to have a “fresh desire for holiness and purity”.

I mean isn’t this quote so true? I know for me after I’ve done something wrong or hurt someone or given into my selfish ways I always have an urge to learn from the situation and be better in the future. This desire is the Lord working in our hearts…that is so RAD!

In Lia’s case she was already insecure about her body around age 12. So possibly the Devil ignited the flame when it came to Lia’s anorexia. Satan knew she was insecure about her appearance, so he gave her an option that came in his favor. Remember—seeing us in pain is what the Devil lives for.

When comparing God and Satan’s voice we have to identify the difference between 

condemn & convict. They are both very different yet often confused.

“To condemn means to consider something worthy of punishment. To convict means to bring something to light in order to correct it”. –Priscilla Shirer

For example, toward the end of the book Lia acknowledged how her disease affected her family and herself in a negative way. At first instead of wanting to get better and seek help, she hurt herself and was taken to the hospital. When you feel condemned you do not see a way out of the situation. You accept the darkness and figure that there is no exit to this way of life.

“The purpose of the voice of conviction is to press you into the face of Christ”. –Bob Sorge

It is such a great comfort to me knowing that I serve a God who wants to teach me through my trials and hardships (James 1:2). He wants me to acknowledge my sin and learn from every situation in order to grow closer to Him.

“God’s soothing, personal words of conviction offer you a remedy, a hope, and a way forward”. –Priscilla Shirer

You may think that God’s voice was absent in Lia’s case, but I disagree. I know in my experience with anorexia God’s voice was definitely present, but I just wasn’t listening. 

I was giving in to...

Satan’s voice

Satan’s ways 

and leaning on my own understanding and not my Heavenly Father.

Like I’ve said before, there is no “too dark” place for the Lord to work. He is like a flashlight in the mist of a storm; hope bearing and solution seeking.