Wintergirls: How to Approach Food In A Christ-Like Manner

Jesus ate food right?

Yeah?

Okay just checking.

I wonder how He approached food, I mean I know He was a carpenter and probably spent a lot of time outside sweating calories, but did Jesus ever feel self-conscious about His body? Wish He hadn’t eaten that last roll? We may never know.

I’m guessing that at the end of a long and hot day laboring away, He did not even think twice about not eating. In my mind Jesus ate because He needed fuel in order to work and function the next day.

Also something to think about…God gave us taste buds. 

Hmmm… I wonder what those are used for? Jesus wants us to enjoy food, there’s a reason why He gave us taste buds. If He didn’t want humans to enjoy food He would have given us no taste buds or sense of smell. But I thank Jesus for my taste buds!

Man! Just the thought of not enjoying some chips and queso makes me squirm!

A lot of monumental events happened around the dinner table while Jesus was here on earth. For instance, Jesus ate with tax collectors and other people who in that time were considered the lowest of the low. Oh and not to mention the last supper (Luke 22: 7-23) where Jesus’ body and blood were represented in bread and wine because Jesus knew that these symbols would be a constant reminder to His people—because they ate daily.

 Now Jesus does not want us to be gluttonous by any means. He doesn’t want us to worship or idolize food (Philippians 3:19). But I think my loving and graceful Jesus wants us to enjoy all that He has given us in moderation.

In Wintergirls, Lia is tempted to eat while watching over bake sale and struggles to stick to her 500 a day calorie diet. 

“I shouldn’t. I can’t. I don’t deserve it. I’m a fat load and I disgust myself. I take up too much space already. I am an ugly, nasty hypocrite. I am trouble. I am a waste”.

All of these lies that Lia repeated to herself over and over are lies that Satan had engrained in her brain as truth. She was blinded by her own appearance with the Devil’s voice consuming her. After reading this book I can’t help but think, since when did eating become a luxury instead of a necessity?

At the end of the book Lia finally decided to get help with her eating disorder and started to have a healthier outlook on food itself. 

“I am beginning to measure myself in strength, not pounds”.

When I look back at my experience with an eating disorder I am reminded on how restricted I felt. I felt so limited, but I should have remembered the freedom I have in Christ. All my chains of sin were already removed by Jesus’ death and resurrection. I should have found freedom and truth in His sacrifice and not dwelt in my sin like the Devil wanted me too.

During that time my thoughts were so focused on what I didn’t eat that I missed out on living my life. I could have been thinking about so many other beautiful things.

“I’m angry that I starved myself and that I sat shivering in my bed at night instead of dancing or reading poetry or eating ice cream or kissing a boy…”

Our lives here on earth can be glorious and pleasing to Jesus, but we need to remember that there is an Enemy ready to tackle our insecurities. However, if we cling to Jesus and spend time with Him, His closeness will comfort and strengthen us.

LASTLY, if you or someone you know is dealing with an eating disorder please remember that there is an exit strategy and His name is Jesus. You are not stuck in a deep pit with no lifesaver. Jesus brings healing and restoration and He wants His children to be healthy because he honestly and sincerely loves us.

Just in case you were wondering…

What is a Wintergirl?

A girl caught in-between worlds. She’s not dead, but not alive. She’s a ghost with a beating heart.

Wintergirls: The Root to the Thorn Bush

Everyone has insecurities, it’s our human nature to have faults and weaknesses, but what we do with these weaknesses can sometimes define us or spiral into something detrimental. In order to get to the root of eating disorders we have to get to the root of where these voices come from. There is an almighty and righteous God out there ready to guide us in love as well as the angel disguised as light (Satan).

In Priscilla Shirer’s book, Discerning the Voice of God, she talks about the difference between God’s voice and Satan’s voice.

The Enemy as Priscilla says, “craftily (and often very effectively) uses our guilt and shame as a tool to steer us incorrectly”. I can’t help but think about how many times I’ve been steered away from the Lord by listening to the Devil’s voice… it’s a very frightening thought. We can’t disregard Satan’s power, he wants to see people (especially Christians) struggle, give into sin and hurt ourselves/others because this separates us from God. Satan finds great pleasure in seeing us in pain (Check out The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis).

However, we are not doomed because we serve an all-powerful God who wins the battle for us in the end! So back to the main character Lia… She could have easily been hearing Satan’s voice over God’s. Because just like God, Satan knows our insecurities just as well.

“It is the voice of the Enemy, seeking to use your vulnerability to deceive you”. –Priscilla Shirer

But no need to fret, there’s someone way more powerful than this mere fallen angel.

God’s voice is full of “healing and restoration” and instead of exposing our sin and wanting us to dwell in it He reveals our sin to us, “But His goal in doing so is to cleanse you and change you”. –Priscilla Shirer

Our loving Father wants us to have a “fresh desire for holiness and purity”.

I mean isn’t this quote so true? I know for me after I’ve done something wrong or hurt someone or given into my selfish ways I always have an urge to learn from the situation and be better in the future. This desire is the Lord working in our hearts…that is so RAD!

In Lia’s case she was already insecure about her body around age 12. So possibly the Devil ignited the flame when it came to Lia’s anorexia. Satan knew she was insecure about her appearance, so he gave her an option that came in his favor. Remember—seeing us in pain is what the Devil lives for.

When comparing God and Satan’s voice we have to identify the difference between 

condemn & convict. They are both very different yet often confused.

“To condemn means to consider something worthy of punishment. To convict means to bring something to light in order to correct it”. –Priscilla Shirer

For example, toward the end of the book Lia acknowledged how her disease affected her family and herself in a negative way. At first instead of wanting to get better and seek help, she hurt herself and was taken to the hospital. When you feel condemned you do not see a way out of the situation. You accept the darkness and figure that there is no exit to this way of life.

“The purpose of the voice of conviction is to press you into the face of Christ”. –Bob Sorge

It is such a great comfort to me knowing that I serve a God who wants to teach me through my trials and hardships (James 1:2). He wants me to acknowledge my sin and learn from every situation in order to grow closer to Him.

“God’s soothing, personal words of conviction offer you a remedy, a hope, and a way forward”. –Priscilla Shirer

You may think that God’s voice was absent in Lia’s case, but I disagree. I know in my experience with anorexia God’s voice was definitely present, but I just wasn’t listening. 

I was giving in to...

Satan’s voice

Satan’s ways 

and leaning on my own understanding and not my Heavenly Father.

Like I’ve said before, there is no “too dark” place for the Lord to work. He is like a flashlight in the mist of a storm; hope bearing and solution seeking. 

Wintergirls: Backstory

Why do people suffer from eating disorders?

There are many different reasons why girls and sometimes-even boys develop eating disorders. There is no set formula. The initial intention when starting to change the way you eat could be to simply GET SKINNY

 finally like what you see in the mirror 

or to look a certain way in clothes. 

But anyone who has gone through an eating disorder knows that the original intention develops into something way more dangerous.

Here's the thing about eating disorders... you don't realize you have one! Especially in the mist of it.

I full heartedly believe that eating disorders are physiological and it is one of the Devil’s ways of separating us from Jesus.

 The reason for anorexia sometimes stems back to insecurities, lack of self-confidence, peer pressure or a way to cope with other trials in life.

I am by no means an expert on anorexia or bulimia, but I want to at least help people understand the disease and know that even in a dark place Jesus is still present.

Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson did a splendid job of viewing eating disorders from a teenage girl’s perspective. In the book Lia’s best friend Cassie dies due to her battle with bulimia. Cassie’s death causes Lia to second guess her anorexia and cutting. The book covers Lia’s daily struggles when it comes to her family, eating and grieving the loss of her best friend.

To understand Lia’s disease we have to start at the beginning…

Cassie was the first one to develop an eating disorder. One summer when they were 11 Cassie came back from drama camp, the girls at camp introduced her to bulimia. From then on Cassie battled with bulimia until her death. Lia followed Cassie soon after she hit puberty and her body began to change. Lia turned to anorexia after losing her ballet solo due to her weight.

Normally eating disorders are blamed on media. For instance, TV shows, actresses and models usually portray this skeleton-like ensemble, which tells girls “this is what is considered beautiful”. Now this is true, media does have an influence on young girls… but that’s not the only source to blame. Peers influence each other more than anything just like with smoking and drugs. Parents need to be aware of the possible demons that their kids might encounter. In Lia’s case her parents never taught her that eating healthy and exercising was the BEST way to have a healthy lifestyle. By the time her parents realized that her eating habits were dangerous to her well being she was already knee deep in the anorexia lifestyle.

At this point in the post you might be thinking…how in the world is Jesus found in the mist of eating disorders?!? 

Think about this…

When you’re in a movie theater and the lights go out before the movie starts. It’s pretty dark in there and for a couple of seconds you can’t see anything. When all of a sudden a light from the seventh row emerges! And what do you know…it’s an iphone!

Now it doesn’t matter where you are in the theater, near or far. The light immediately grabs your attention because it is surrounded by darkness. 

I bet y’all are catching on now… Jesus of course is the light in the darkness.

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

-John 1:5

When someone goes through an eating disorder there is so much darkness and gloominess. 

There’s no life

 no bright colors

 & you feel solemn and grey underneath your seemingly skinny exterior.

In my senior year of high school I developed an eating disorder but I didn’t realize exactly what I had gone through until October of my freshman year in college. Initially it started because I wanted to get skinnier so I became more cautious about what I ate. 

Then the struggles of high school began to weigh heavy.

My boyfriend and I broke up and the stress & drama of being on a team of over 20 girls took its toll on me. So as time went by I ate less and less. Eventually all I would eat was a handful of almonds each day along with working out about 5 hours a day for practice.

My view on food changed and I felt like my whole life revolved around my eating schedule… Which was nothing! Something that Lia says through out the book perfectly describes my state of mind,     “empty is strong”.

I saw food as a weakness and felt numb when I ate food. So the only time I felt “alive” was when I was hungry. This is such a dark and dangerous place to be! I can only thank Jesus for healing me through friendships, the Holy Spirit and physically removing me from my original surroundings. My experience with an eating disorder was very mild compared to many other girls who have dealt with anorexia and the characters in the book. But I thought it was important to share my story and show that Jesus worked in my life despite Satan's efforts to drag me down.

Wintergirls: to be continued…

Small as an Elephant: Hope

In Jack’s journey to find his mom he encountered a lot of different people. The two people that stuck out to me the most were a bartender and a man named big Jack. I honestly believe that Jesus puts people in our lives that sometimes meet our temporary needs. Now Jesus is the only one who can satisfy our needs… I go that! But when it came to an 11-year-old with a broken pinky Jesus was like “Yo big Jack! You got this one?”

So little Jack broke his pinky while trying to steal empty soda bottles for money. He was in a lot of pain and ended up at a bar. This is where he met the bartender and big Jack, they offered ice for his finger and big Jack put a splint in his pinky.

This entire scenario cracked me up! These two men immediately helped Jack out-no questions asked. They didn’t ignore him or even acknowledge humor or concern in the fact that an 11-year-old boy was sitting at a bar!

Just imagine this with me. Two men helping a young boy make a splint for his broken pinky in a bar… It’s wonderful! It makes me so ecstatically happy when I see compassion and random acts of kindness toward strangers. The sad part is, in real life these situations are unique and rare. I can only count a few times in my entire life where I witnessed sincere kindness between strangers. If Christians are supposed to walk like Jesus shouldn’t we as a nation be witnessing these encounters more often?

Early on in Jack’s journey he steals a plastic elephant from a store. He loved elephants and actually he was obsessed with them! It was his thing! In Jack’s mind this tiny plastic elephant that he later named Mudo gave him hope.

Hope that he would see his mom again

Hope that every thing would be okay.

It’s crazy that something as small as an elephant could give a young boy hope.

You see in my heart Jesus is my elephant-He gives me hope when I need it most and shines His light through other people in my life to remind me of His enduring promise.

So after a while Jack found out that his mom was out of the country and the hope of actually finding her faded. No worries though, Jack came up with a new goal. He would go visit the only living elephant in Maine…her name was Lydia. If you couldn’t tell by the title Jack loved elephants and the book itself is filled with cute facts about elephants.

At the very end of the book big Jack showed up again in Jack’s life and once again he fulfilled exactly what little Jack needed. Big Jack took Jack to see Lydia the elephant and PLOT TWIST Jack’s grandma waited at the park with Lydia for a week because she knew that her grandson would want more than anything to see Lydia.

Literally my heart was aching at the end of this book in utter happiness! The encounter between Lydia and Jack is so beautiful and after what this poor boy had been through their meeting was just perfect. They played together and Jack lay down on his belly face-to-face with Lydia. Then Lydia gently raised her trunk and she tenderly grazed his little face. In the end Jack cupped his hands around the tip of her trunk and blew air into it.

Jack finally saw Lydia the elephant and his mom would finally get help while he lived with his sweet grandmother. Every thing fell into place and Jack knew he was going to be all right.

In the book Jack’s goal went from finding his mother to finding his new life. After reading I could not help but wonder what my goal was…

In everyone’s life a lot of things are uncertain, but one thing I’m sure of is my end goal.

My end goal is to see Jesus’ face for the first time in Heaven and maybe have a similar encounter that Jack did with Lydia the elephant. Perhaps Jesus will graze His loving hand across my face and in that moment I will know that every thing is going to be okay and that I am Jesus’ child finally home with my Father. 

“He remembered what he’d heard about blowing into an elephant’s trunk- how the elephant would never forget you”.